watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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