Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize