sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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