Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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