what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize