the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize