She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize