I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize