Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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