I have demons in me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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