My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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