I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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