I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
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I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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