Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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