so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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