im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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