did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize