Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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