If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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