The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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