Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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