Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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