i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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