im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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