I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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