It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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