I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize