I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize