I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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