um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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