just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize