I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize