Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize