maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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