and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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