Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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