she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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