Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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