you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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