Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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