I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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