Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just gift wrapped bread.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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