So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize