Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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