I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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