saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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