we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize