You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
me + whiskey = a bad person
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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