Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize