Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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